The OAER
by Aishachan13
Summary: Legolas feels the need to tell Aragorn something very important but he is inturupted by a very odd group before he can finish. LegolasAragorn but one sided as Aragorn still loves Arwen. This story makes fun of Elves even though I love them. -


Disclaimer: I don't own LoTR, that belongs to Tolkien. I do own the idea for this fanfic and the idea for the OAER.

Kay, the story behind this is that one day me and my family were at Chuck-E-Chesses and me and my dad were just sitting at the table. Now, I' 15 and Chuck-E-Chesses has pretty much lost it appeal to me so I was bored. I had some of my picture with me and I would have started working on them if it hadn't been for the fact that me and my dad were ageing about how much money he owed me. So I told him that if he could guess what the thing in the picture I would pull out of my book bag was then he was right. If he got wrong I was right.

So my dad agreed and I grabbed a picture. I asked him to guess and he said gay. So I was like wow that's really condescending and mean and he said that because pretty much all Elves are gay he was right. I said that if all Elves were gay then how did the species survive. He said that sometimes they were forced to get together and make kids and that's why they're immortal. He said that they was probably an organization that made them get together…. Now I really like Elves. They're my favorite Middle-earth race but I still like to make fun of them.

So thanks dad! Here's the story off of that idea.

**The OAER**

One day Aragorn got up and left his wife and kids.

Well NOT REALLY… But I do have your attention now, don't I? Anyway that's not what really happened. This is the story:

It was one day, just some random day, and Legolas and Aragorn were sitting and watching a movie. We can all understand why Legolas was still alive, (as this story is taking place now a days) but Aragorn….. Well I don't really know why he was alive…. But he was, so get over it.

Anyway they were sitting there watching a movie and drinking some beers. Well Aragorn was drinking some beer…. Lots of beer…. LOTS and LOTS of beer.

Legolas was meanwhile drink LOTS and LOTS of wine.

"Man, Legolas, I'm sorry that I haven't been able to spend much time with you or the rest of the fellowship… Arwen has been making me do a lot of home projects…." Legolas smiled at him and scooted closer to him.

"It's alright…." He said as he cuddled up to him. "I know that you healed Frodo and I need to be healed… only in a different way…" He said as he took the humans hands. "But I know that you can heal ME…." He said setting his head on Aragorns shoulder. Aragorn looked down at him, curious.

"Legolas I think that you might be drunk." Legolas smiled at him and hugged him.

"I'm not drunk, just hungry…" Aragorn stared him for a moment…

Then a loud whirring noise from outside. Legolas shoved Aragorn as hard as he could onto the floor and stood, running over to the window and looked out it.

"Oh CRAP!" He shouted, looking out the window. "For the love of Eru…."

"What's wrong, _mellonnin_?" Aragorn said as he got up off of the spot on the floor that Legolas had shoved him onto. No sooner had the words left his mouth then a bright light, possibly a search light came on and was shown thru the window.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Aragorn said as he covered up his eyes. Legolas immediately drew the blinds and tuned around, looking really worried and uncomfortable.

"It's the OAER." He said bringing his shoulders up and bowing his head to his chest, a grimace on his face. Aragorn stared at him blankly, not understanding.

"Wha?"

"So human…." Legolas muttered to himself.

"The OAER. It's The Organization for the Advancement of the Elven Race." Aragorn still stared at him, still apparently not understanding.

"Uh?" Legolas sighed and shook his head.

"It's the Sex Squad." At this Aragorn smiled, very brightly and grasped his hands together.

"Oooohh… Can I join?" Legolas looked at him as if he were crazy.

"No. It is only for Elves…" The human looked a little crestfallen but shrugged.

"Oh… well what do they do anyway?"

"They make other Elves do it-"

"LIKE PORN!" Aragorn said a little to happily for Legolases tastes.

"……… No…. not like porn…. It's to ensure that the Elven race will continue as most of us are gay….."

"LEGOLAS GREENLEAF! WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!" Aragorn gave Legolas a look that asked what the heck was going to happen. The Elf ignored him, however, turned around and opened the window.

"NO! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!" He screamed, shutting the window when he was done. He then ran back to the couch, were him and Aragorn had been sitting before, grabbing Aragorn as he did.

"Legolas what's going on! It's like we're on COPS!" He paused a moment to think about that. "But I mean in a bad way, cause.. I've always wanted to be on COPS. I wanted to take that stupid minivan that Arwen made me buy and go on a seven hour car chase. Oh and along the way I wanted to cause at least five pile ups!" Legolas seemed to be ignoring him as he grabbed the table in front of the couch and flipped it over, and then proceeded to hunker down in back of it. Aragorn was still standing near the couch and was looking really confused.

"GET DOWN!" The Mirkwood prince hissed between clenched teeth and then grabbed the Gondorian king, pulling him behind the table. He reached under the couch and pulled out an Elven bow and arrows. He quickly checked the weapon and put an arrow in pace.

"Legolas, my friend, please what is going on?" Aragorn said as he put a tentative hand on his friends shoulder. Legolas quickly hugged him and then said something in Elven. Aragorn was silent for a moment.

"Did you just say 'I love you' or 'you're late'?" Legolas didn't answer him but cupped his hands and yelled at the window.

"I'm not going to!"

"THEN WE'RE COMING IN!" At that the door was kick in and something thrown into the room. Aragorn, thinking something like nerve gas or light flash bent over, closed his eyes and held his breath. Legolas just tried to scrunch himself into the smallest ball he could, trying to hid.

"BABY I'M SO INTO YOU YOU GOT THAT SOMETHIN' WHAT CAN I DO!" Aragorn twitched as he heard the song being played. He looked over table and found that the thing that had been thrown into the room was a boom box.

As the song was playing two men came running into the house. They both were wearing leather and they struck poses when they got in. A third Elf came in and he too was wearing skintight leather but this one stuck an even odder pose that consisted of him thrusting his hip to one side, putting a hand on said hip and thrusting the other one out in front of him.

"…………………" Was all that Aragorn could manage and he had to look away when they started to dance.

"If they weren't so evil they would be soo hot…." Legolas said as he looked at them. Aragorn looked over at his friend questioningly.

"But… they're guys." Now it was Legolas turn to look. He stared at the man, unbelievingly.

"Yeah… I know….. I'm gay…." Aragorn opened and shut his mouth several times before managing to get anything out.

"You're gay! Man! You hid it well!"

"NO I DON'T!" Legolas yelled. "I was just hitting on you!"

"Soooo all those times that you lost your bedding stuff was…"

"Yeah. I just wanted to sleep with you…" Suddenly the people who had burst down the door stopped the dancing that they had been doing and started talking.

"LEGOLAS GREENLEAF!" The one in the middle yelled. "Get out here right now." Legolas sighed and stood.

"I'm here…" He said as he rolled his head.

"Good. You and your assigned mate 'Arwen Undomiel' (SP?) have not produced a child in a long time. You must start trying to right now." He said signaling in Arwen. The female Elf walked into the room and looked at Legolas annoyed.

"Hey, Legolas." She said rolling her head to the side. "What's new with you?" The Elf shrugged.

"Not much. How about-" The man that had signaled Arwen to come in interrupted him.

"Enough talking! Get with the doing! We have other places to go tonight!" He clapped his hands together for emphasis. "CHOP CHOP!" Legolas and Arwen looked at each other and then shrugged.

"Alright Legolas…"

"Let's go Arwen." Arwen nodded.

"Okay." The two of them walked up to each other, said something in Elven and then started to strip.

"WHOA WHOA WHOA!" Aragorn said as he ran up in-between them. "Legolas, what do you think you're doing to my wife? And Arwen, what do you think you're doing?"

"Continuing the Elven race." They both said rather blandly at the same time.

"Ooooohhh no you're not. Legolas that is my wife. Arwen that is my best friend. I really don't want two of the most important people in my life screwing each other…. Well…. I MIGHT be okay with it if I were in there to- NO!" Aragorn said as he shook his head. "No! You two are not going to have sex!"

"It's not sex it's just the continuation of our race…." Aragorn simply stared, not knowing what to say.


End file.
